I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
