i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
