just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
