I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize