my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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