Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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