so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
