; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
