You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
