apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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