I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
