Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
