so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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