You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
