Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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