I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish you could order shots online.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
