Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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