loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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