It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
