dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
