is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
