im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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