I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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