So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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