My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
