I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
