I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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