i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
