I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
