I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
