Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
