IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize