dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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