I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
