It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.