That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
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Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
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I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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