I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.