I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
