Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.