And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
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She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
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Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.