I think my vagina is haunted
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
