just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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