Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize