I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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