Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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