bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
