I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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