This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
