okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
