Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible