You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner