i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"