Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
