and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.