Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
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how do flat chested girls get laid?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
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I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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