This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
