I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
