you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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