At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
