I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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