I'm so fucking centered right now
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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