Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
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