Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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