If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
whose parrot is this?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
