I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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