sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
